taken_by_lu

I need someone to talk to...and you are the only person who will do.

2006-06-25T23:48:13Z

This entry is really only for Jenn. I feel really bad for asking because I know she has a lot going on right now, but there are some things I want to talk to her about...So Jenn...if you you see this, when you get the time...could you...you know...talk? Sorry, just have a lot on my mind and you are always my rock and the best person to ask for advice...

Now...about me.

2006-06-21T16:43:08Z

Name: Jacob Dean Bennett
Age: 17 (almost 18)
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Homosexual
Status: Taken

Those are just the basics. To those who do not know me, my name is Jake. I have by no means had a normal life...but I like it that way. Sure there are things that I ask God everyday "Why Me?" but I live with the idea that everything happens for a reason. The pains that I feel and have felt will one day me some good. Already it has led me to three wonderful people that I think about every waking moment. I grew up in Dublin Ireland with my mother and sister. My father left when I was very young and I do not remember much of him. For as long as I can remember, my mother was a heavy smoker, and after ten years of smoking five packs a day her life was claimed. My sister and I moved in with my Grandparents but like I expected my sister soon moved out with her fiancé and now they have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful life together...they are lucky. Life with my grandparents was not easy. I was constantly trying to hide the fact that I was gay, but eventually the truth was revealed. They did not approve and soon after they found out I left. I fled to the states, and now live in L.A. California. I actually like L.A., but I have no intention of staying forever. It is far too crowded and noisy.

After moving to L.A. I started attending the local high school...that is when I met Dan. I was immediately infatuated with him, and was led to believe that he felt the same way...I was wrong. Over the last couple years I learned what his true feelings for me were, and I am still paying for my stupidity today. I do thank Dan though...because of him I started roleplaying to get my mind on other things. That was where I met my newly formed family. I love them all with my whole heart, and know that they feel the same way. I may no longer Love Dan. or even remotely like him...but I think him from bringing me to them.

Now...my current health status is not very good. I really do not feel like going into immense detail, the people who should know do. I will say however that just today I left the hospital which has been my prison for the last couple weeks. No doubt the doctors are all going crazy trying to fine me, but they never will. Though I do not know how long I can be alone to take of myself, I am relived to be away from the commotion. I wrote my last post in the back of a cop car that was escorting me to a hotel, and now I am writing this from my less than luxurious sweet. It may not be much, but it is nice to have some quiet. Over the last few hours I have felt the pain get worse and worse...the meds are wearing off, and I wonder just how bad it will get. After numerous surgeries and procedures, I know that this will not be easy. Already I have had to patch up the holes left by me pulling the IVs from my body...not fun.

Anyhow...enough about that depressing stuff. If any one reads this that is not already a close friend of mine, Please feel free to drop me a line. I promise I am a pretty nice guy and love to meet new people. Makes life interesting. I hope this gave you just a little insight into who I am.

The ones who get me through each day.

2006-06-21T16:12:22Z

Hello All. My name is Jake and I would like to welcome you to my newly designed Journal. I have to admit I never thought of starting something like this, but someone told me that it was a great idea so I figured...she has never done me wrong before, why not. So here I am to tell you my feelings on the various happenings in my life. First though, I feel that I best give tribute to the people who have shaped me into who I am today...the good ones, and the bad ones. These are the people who are on my mind:

Mom:
Even though my mother may have been one of the least influential people in my life, I thank her for giving me the gift of life. Because of her I have met the people I love, and have been given the chance to learn and grow. When she died, I did not cry...but there was a part of me that dies with her. There was an untold love that was never expressed, and now my only wish is that I could have the chance to tell her that I did, and do love her.

Dad:
Now, this is the man who I can that for my independence. No memories do I have of him, but I have been told countless stories of what a jackass he was...but yet, I can not judge. I believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, and until I meet him in person, he is only my father.

Lauren:
My dear sister. Throughout most of my childhood, Lauren always seemed to be on the move. She never liked to be home, or cooped up in one place for too long. Though, she always came back for me. She was my support when my mother dies, but like all she moved on with her life. She found a nice guy and has made a life for herself. I feel a slight tinge in my heart when I think of the last time we talked...it was not a peaceful conversation. But it did show me just how much she loves me.

Hailey:
My little Angel. The funny thing is, I have spent less than a week with my four year old niece. The first time I saw her it brought tears to my eyes. I missed so much of her growing up, yet she seemed to hold an unconditional love for me. I do not understand how she gave her love away so quickly...but I realized...I gave the same to her.

Grandmother:
No matter what my grandmother does and says, I will always love her. She had made it known that she does not agree with my way of life, and I will not hold that against her. She lives and breathes a religion where homosexuality is wrong...I can understand. If anything, I thank her for teaching me to stand up for myself...and to make of life what I want it to be.

Now...For the people who continue to influence my life, for the good and the bad:

Dan:
He does not deserve my love.

Ross:
What a sweetheart! This boy has to be one of my best friends. I met him first out of my new family, and he never fails to make me laugh. He always seems to be in a good mood and I feel like he is the sanest out of us all. I love our roleplays together, and even just out conversations about anything that comes to mind. He is always here for me, and for that I will be forever grateful.

Jenn:
-smiles- Wow...where to start? I can honestly say that this woman is my rock. Every time I am feeling anything...be it sadness, confusion, pain, happiness...she knows how to handle it. The first time I talked to her she was just looking for a good roleplay; little did I know we would form an unbreakable bond. I hold a great level of respect for her, and even a greater level of love. Without a doubt she is my sister, and I know that will never change. Sure...we argue sometimes, but never do we resort to name calling or insulting each other. The fights between us are more influential then with any one else. Even if at the time it hurt, afterwards I can always see where she is coming from and see how much she cares. I love her with all of my heart and know that we will forever be connected.

Luke:
It's funny...just saying his name makes me smile. The first time I met Luke, I got the warning that he has some problems. Sure, I was like "Better be careful." But then I started to talk to him...Immediately I knew that this man was not just another to come and go. Each time we talked I felt my heart grow more and more attached to him. It's scary to think that my love was so quickly gained, but within days it was. I found myself staying up all night just thinking about what we had talked about throughout the day, and wondering what the next would bring. I am honored to call Luke my boyfriend...my lover...my soul mate...and my best friend. He gives me the strength to get through any obstacle that presents itself, and I try to do the same for him. We never fight, and we never yell. I know that this will not likely remain true forever...I mean everyone has to fight about something, but I wonder if this could be the exception. We have already planned about what we would like to do together in the future...Get a little cabin in Colorado, where we could live in peace...free from the pain. I know that will not be for a while; I am first headed to Canada to see Jenn. But it will, I long to see him...to hold him in my arms...to put a face with the man who has claimed my heart. I love this man with everything that I am, and for once I have found true happiness.

I would like to thank these people for molding me into who I am today. Without them I would not have found a family who loves me, and a man who is my future. This is the first of many posts, but I felt you all would like to know who I will be talking about in the future. I you have actually read this far...wow...thanks.